Random β™₯

So far on my week off…

I haven’t done an awful lot tbh, it has been nice just lounging about and not doing anything. My partner has gone on holiday for a week with his family which is just as well because yesterday evening I came to stay with my sister and my gorgeous little nephew!! I loved him so much when I saw him again, he’s got even bigger and so much cuter! He’s really curious and his eyes are really big; I knew I would take the opportunity to pap him as much as I could to help build up the secret present I’m going to make for my sister, and even though I have a lot of photos already I thought that having his auntie down would be another thing I would like to pop in with his earliest memories!

Last night I had a crappy sleep which had nothing to do with him; he was actually pretty quiet but even if he wasn’t, having slept in a city on the main road of traffic and drunk people with single glazed windows whilst my partner was in uni, I knew I would be able to sleep through the background noise. This morning he was pretty grumpy, my sister feels that because he slept so well through the night that he feels he has missed out on a feed; unfortunately he has been rather grumpy all day, crying a lot and causing my sister to constantly feed him even if it wasn’t long since his last one. She says this happens every 3 days or so, it is like he has a growth spurt and his hunger becomes much more than what it was and that she has to catch up with him; I can’t help but feel sorry for her because today was the first time that she was alone without her partner there to help because his paternity leave was over and he had to return to work, so she was much more stressed and it just so happened that today was one of his bad days. I think as stressed as she was that she was quite glad to have me there as I could watch him whilst she left the room to have a bath, I put the rabbits out for her, made her breakfasts and cups of tea whenever she wanted, and helped her to do some housework when he was settled enough to stay in his bouncer. I thought I would be there to help out with the chores but didn’t realise that she probably wants to get up and do things, and so I was left looking after Harry some of the time; it was the perfect opportunity to not only pap some secret pictures for my sister’s present, but to also start a bond with him.

I learnt a lot today, I’ve never had the opportunity to be around a newborn baby and so this was a brand new experience for me. I learnt not to be afraid of holding him and moving him in different positions, I gave him a bath with my sisters help and learnt about the temperature of the water and how to bathe him; she even had me wrap him in a towel and dry him before putting his nappy on and getting him dressed into clean clothes (which he was not happy about and made it damn diffcult for me to get his legs into his outfit). My sister said that he will make it sound like I was killing him but to just get on with it; I then comforted him, burped him and had cuddles before they went to the drop in clinic. He wasn’t at all happy when they got back and played up again this evening whilst they were trying to eat dinner; I made use of myself washing up since they didn’t need an extra pair of hands to look after him, and later on when he calmed down I got some lovely pictures of them all together. This little baby is so loved, he’s so lucky to have so many people wanting to give him love.

One things for sure, I saw the impact it was having on my sister and am starting to experience a little bit of exhaustion (just by trying to get him changed – he made it so difficult lah!); I feel that even though I would love to be in my sister’s position where I can look at a baby lovingly and know that they are mine, that it is so exhausting even for someone so physically, emotionally and mentally strong. I know I’m not ready for a baby and any broodiness that might’ve come along has started to quickly ebb away as I know I can give this baby cuddles and then hand him back when he cries; with my own, I wouldn’t be able to do that lol!! I want to be like my sister, who has achieved so much and given her parents, family and friends so much to be proud of her for, and have everything I need and be stable before even considering a child. Sometimes, even if it is something you really would like, or have wanted before, that unless you are in the position to have children then it really is best not to even consider it – plus with my potential for having twins, I would really not like to accidentally get pregnant at the wrong time and lose the opportunity of having twins because they say that if you are likely to have twins, you are more likely to have that opportunity arise on your first pregnancy! So safe sex for me (always anyway) until such times as many, many years down the line (probably at least not for another 6-10 years!) that I am ready in all aspects to even consider bringing a new life into the world.

My sister’s partner just asked me to try and get my sister to nap tomorrow should he go down for any length of time because today was so exhausting for her that she was out in a matter of minutes when they put him down! Bless her, love her so much; will continue to try and be as helpful as I possibly can tomorrow for her. Hopefully tomorrow morning he will decide to have his normal lie in and I won’t have to get up super early! Ending on a good note, he smells lush and I smell like him now. πŸ™‚

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