Random ♥

The talk I have wanted to have has happened, and it was… scary??? (16+)

Soooo where to begin… Spent my last day off with my partner chilling, eating pizza and watching movies; towards the end of the night, I took him upstairs just to quietly chill out together before he went home. Out of no where, he asks me how much I earn and when I showed him my payslip, said that it was fair amount to live off of before asking me seriously if I wanted to move in with him!!! I think I was close to going into shock! A couple of weeks back we argued and moving in together was brought up, but he said he had only just got his new job, left uni and didn’t see the point in moving out just yet; he also explained that he felt very pressured by me to suddenly move in with him so soon after leaving university.

After a long talk, it eventually dawned on me that I had put an intense amount of pressure on him, and that the situation I had when I left school and first got a job is the same situation he is currently in now. He probably felt like there was little need to rush into moving out since he had only just got a job which was close to home, and that he still needed to get his head around the idea of possibly moving out in about 6 months-1 year, let alone as soon as I was proposing. I had already been in that situation, and now felt like I had waited long enough to move in with him but sadly went about it all the wrong way; since then I had left the topic alone and was shocked earlier when he randomly asked me if I wanted to move in with him. Well of course it was, and it pleased me that he positively brought it up but I thought it was just a comment and left it at that.

All throughout the day I felt he was in a weird mood, I couldn’t quite put my finger on it and my paranoia took over and made me think he had something bad on his mind; I had no idea that after he took a look at my pay check, would then propose that we moved in together soon since he had a good amount saved and that we should do it asap!! God, I still don’t know what to think; he said that I was right (nearly fainted at this part) and that living in the area we currently live in had no opportunities that would allow us to get any further than where we were already at. He said that he was already bored of the job that he was in and that he wouldn’t be able to find a job he was truly happy with in this area, and that we had nothing left to plan for and so maybe I was right in that we should just take the risk with what we have and move to a brand new place and start a brand new life together.

He then suggested that we move to London, not forever but just for 2-3 years to live a young, eventful life with many opportunities. This terrified me as unlike him, I have never had the need to move about too far because my family all live within a 1 hour car travelling radius; he however, had family living in London, Swansea, Plymouth and Portsmouth which required travelling throughout the year to get to them. I will admit, and I told him this, that London seemed like a huge step and that maybe somewhere closer would be better because it is quite far; he tried to win me over by saying that travelling from there to here would take roughly 2 hours by train and that there would be much more to do in London than there ever would around here. If I’m honest, the only person I could think of was my new little nephew Harry; I want to be close by to him so that I can see him often and spend as much time with him as I can, but my partner rightly told me that I cannot see him during the week anyway due to my job and that I would still be able to visit him on the weekends, when I usually see them twice a month anyway.

So many things went through my mind like do we have to live in the centre of London, can we live on the outskirts, why can’t we live in a closer city, what about when family want to come to us, what about family who want to stay with us, what about travelling, what about costs??? My head is still a bit all over the place but it has started to sink in; unfortunately it seems to be the only place he is set on so when we talk about this tomorrow (which he has set in concrete that we do regardless) I hope we can come up with some alternative places to live, maybe something closer and not so risky. However, it might be good for me to take the risk and live somewhere for a while since he did say it would not be permanent that we stay there.

I really don’t know, I’m still in shock that he even asked me so soon since we argued less than 2 weeks ago about this. He even asked me how long my notice period was and when I told him, told me to hand my notice in now!! I told him that I would be doing no such thing until we had properly planned this out because even though I was all talk, I had done no looking or research into it and the idea was actually pretty scary now that he was the one proposing it to me!! I will be looking at other areas close by but he is determined it be somewhere that has plenty of opportunities and somewhere we haven’t been before so that we can start a new life. Omg, I’m still in a muddle right now, so excited yet worried at the same time; what will my family think?? I’m worried my sister might think I am a bad auntie for moving away so far so soon after Harry is born even though I will make sure to see him just as much; I know that sounds ridiculous but I worry too much!! I think we will discuss it and then I will suggest the hypothetical idea to my family to see what they think… Omg I have wanted this for such a long time, why am I freaking out??? HELP!!!

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