Okay, I want to have a big ol’ rant today.
I have just got back to work after a week off which you should know is something that I rarely (never) do; usually I would just take a Friday and Monday off and have a long weekend since there is often little need for me to have a whole week off. However as you know, I have just taken a week off to visit Portsmouth and to spend time with the boyfriend whilst he had annual leave before life’s routine returned to normal and he went back to work.
I know it is only the second day in but I’m feeling pretty darn miserable! I still haven’t got out of holiday mode and the minute my butt touched my chair, I was given work to do. I don’t really mind that, give me all the work you want and keep me busy because it makes the day go fast but I could not help but become overwhelmed by the memories and happiness created in the past week. Everything came flooding back and I realised that I had all too soon got comfortable being away from work.
I realised that being away by the sea, having time off, and spending time with R every day was not the norm, in fact it was far from it, a dream. No sooner had it come, it had gone, and I was back at work trying to get my mind back into work mode, preparing myself to work 5 days a week, hardly having time off or doing anything fun, oh and not only being unable to see R every day but being damn lucky if I get to see him every other/few weekends because of the nature of his job (again with the realisation that he may be sent away somewhere or have to stay close to base for a while).
So it hit me pretty hard yesterday and I’m not gunna lie that I want to cry a little. It just sucks that money is what makes the world go round, and no matter how much we try to deny that, it’s true. Why can’t happiness make the world go round? Why can’t you buy a dress by making someone laugh, or go on holiday for free where everything is supplied to make people happy rather than to make money? I know in a sense it is unsustainable but it would be a much nicer world if people traded favours rather than having to pay for things.
I seriously was so happy whilst on holiday and I thought to myself “I could just do this, not work and do whatever I wanted to do. It’s so nice not having to answer to someone else or do something so boring that doesn’t interest me at all just for the sake of money. Who says I have to move out of home any time soon? Or have a car or worry about whether I have all the latest things in order to have a decent life? This is the life, truly experiencing life is ‘the life’, making memories and having fun is ‘the life’, not going brain dead for the sake of money that quite frankly gets spent on a lot of shit most of the time.”
Then I realised that I have no choice because in order to have a week off with enough money to go somewhere nice, treat myself and eat out, I have to work. Great. Truly wonderful. Fandabbydozy.
That’s the only thing that keeps me going, is knowing that all the money that I save up can be used to live my life comfortably, to be able to do fun things that I want to do and purchase the things that I want to purchase; to go places and make amazing memories with my loved ones, to have stories to tell and not live a boring life. It just sucks knowing that it won’t get much better than this, that for the rest of my adult life I will be slaving away under someone else; it’s harder knowing that I don’t get many opportunities to play with the money that I earn in the first place (do you know how much I want to go abroad somewhere and yet have no one to go with??), it’s such a struggle! I know there are people out there who scrimp and save on 3 jobs and have a far more interesting personal life than I do, this cannot continue any longer!!!
I hope the Year of the Sheep provides me with an incredible opportunity soon because I’m going out of my mind; my brain is dying, it needs a challenge, it needs excitement, it needs something to look forward to. I can’t be one of those people that just trundles along with life and plans nothing; it’s a personal goal to end the year knowing that I’ve done lots of exciting things that I can look back on.
I think it’s time for a serious change!!