Hello everyone! Today I am going to talk about something that I think is quite a serious topic, especially for young girls – unwanted male attention.
Why have I decided to write about this? Well recently I experienced unwanted male attention myself and it infuriated me that men think it is acceptable to act in such a way! Let me just make it clear that this is not ALL men by any means, I know plenty of men who are incredibly decent and would never act in such a disgraceful manner even if their life depended on it. There seems to be a particular type of man that believes there is no wrong in acting inappropriately towards women.
My experience – On the 31st October, famously Halloween, I decided to go out with my girlfriend J to the next town for a night out, I would also be meeting Pixie there and some of her friends; we just wanted a chance to have a drink, chat and boogie on the dance floor. We are not 18 anymore, we do not find the pleasure in getting drunk off our faces and looking for someone to flirt with – yes girls, there ARE women out there like that, it is not all of the men’s fault and young people of both genders do gain confidence in winning the attention of the opposite sex regardless, no one can doubt that their ego gets boosted when a hottie comes up to you and starts flirting whether you want them to or not. It is common knowledge that many people who go clubbing are looking for a chance to hook up with someone, why? Because alcohol is involved and with alcohol means beer goggles and a better chance of persuading someone who otherwise wouldn’t have given you a second look if they were stone sober, to hook up with you; then you can be on your way, gloat to your friends and some people even find love (the very rare few). However, there are some people who are not interested in hooking up with anyone or even gaining so much as a glance from someone of the opposite sex, some of us just like to go out for the chance to dance, meet friends and get a bit jolly so that we don’t realise our feet are killing us from all the dancing.
We were those people. Me and J entered the Weatherspoons club pub and found a table, got drinks and chatted casually whilst we waited for Pixie. On the table next to us were a group of 4 young lads and without sounding cruel, it was very obvious that they had not long turned adult and were not used to the company of women (sometimes you can just tell). What gave it away the most was the OGGLING that they did when we sat on the table next to them, constant glancing and at one point the clown was just staring at us for at least 5 minutes without looking away (and without even having the courtesy of wearing his mask so we wouldn’t know he was staring).
We decided to just ignore them and me who isn’t used to having any male attention (apparently I do according to J but I never actually notice it or have had anyone act upon it) was certain they were staring at her, however at one point I did notice a man on the table next to them who was just non-stop staring at me but since he was so far away and not within my peripheral vision, I ignored him.
Whilst we waiting we spotted a group of young girls who again weren’t much over the age of 18, and within 5 minutes of them sitting down were approached by a considerably older man who started chatting to them. I didn’t pay much attention to what happened but within 5 minutes of Pixie and her 3 friends in tow (let’s call them A, H and F), he had approached us. Knowing exactly what type of guy he was, I told him to go away whilst motioning ‘shoo’ with my hands in case he couldn’t hear me; he didn’t seem to entirely understand what I was saying, moving closer to our table and giving us this ‘aww come on girls’ look on his face. I told him to f*** off so that he would get the hint and Pixie even had to put her hand on his chest and push him away when he still didn’t get it. He slunk away looking miserable at having been severely rejected and didn’t bother us again.
About half hour in and A and H wanted a photo together, Pixie obliged and they stood together; a lad in his 20’s who was on the table on our other side came up from behind them and put his arms round them, holding his phone out in front for a selfie with the two girls. It was quite funny actually like something from a cartoon but both of them slid out from his arms when he took the photo and he was looking as to where they had gone; again, Pixie told him he wasn’t wanted and to go away.
At one point I needed the bathroom so me and J went together, we had to cross the dance floor to reach the stairs and was prevented by some beefy guy dancing rather OTT at us. I had passed him earlier and before had laughed it off that he was just a bit drunk and was doing that thing where he dances at those that passes but whereas before he had continued dancing elsewhere when we had passed, decided this time he was going to block our path. He was obviously drunk but me thinking he would move as before just nervously laughed and tried to move him politely, J however lost her temper and pushed him out of the way rather forcefully and told him to “get the f*** out of the way” when he refused several times to move.
We were back at our table again and this is when the clown next door wouldn’t stop staring! J mentioned that it was freaking her out because he wasn’t wearing his mask so we could see very clearly (he wasn’t even 2 feet away from us) that he was staring wide-eyed. Pixie turned to him and asked “please could you stop staring at us, its weirding us out” and he turned away very embarrassed and didn’t bother us for the rest of the night.
After a lot of other drama we decided to head to a different club which was holding a ‘Halloween party’; it was quite late and the dance floor was jam packed. We managed to find a space and gradually moved onto the dance floor, there were loads of weird men dancing around, including one behind us who was dancing by himself rather crab-like, but thankfully we seemed to get no more unwanted male attention for the time being until…
Half an hour into dancing there was a different guy directly behind me dancing, and I’d just like to point out that I was neither drunk nor dancing close/against him. There was a decent amount of space between him and me, surprisingly we managed to dance on the packed dance floor without bumping or touching anyone else directly. Out of no where he grabbed me by the hips and pulled me back into him, I can only assume to ‘sexy’ dance and grind on me; luckily J had already seen his motives since she was dancing opposite (of course I could not see him as he was behind me) and the moment he had placed his hands on my hips and pulled me, she had grabbed my wrist and yanked me away from him. She squared up to him shouting “just because she is dancing near you gives you no reason to grab and grope at her as you like!!” He was rather taken aback with his hands in the air like he had touched some prized treasure of hers, apparently unaware he had done any wrong. She was right though, I was dancing near him with my friends and gave him no signs that I was interesting in dancing with/against/on him. I was so shocked and confused because it had happened so fast but the fury on her face told me that what I had just experienced really did happen.
We left for home feeling rather upset that the night had not been the way we had imagined; never before have we received so much male attention, it was incredibly annoying and frustrating! One of us is in a relationship, two are engaged and one is married, only one of us is single and even she didn’t have the slightest bit of interest in any of the attention received that night. Did they all think that every girl in the club who wasn’t latched onto another man was free, single and ready to mingle?? What is the matter with them!? Okay fair enough if you want to approach a girl, flirt and chat but to just start staring or grabbing at them?? NO.
And for the record no one was dressed slutty or provocative, I myself was completely covered wearing a long sleeved bodycon dress; goes to prove that these kinds of men do not approach women based on what they are wearing and whether they have ‘bits hanging out’ or not, the excuse of “well she was dressed provocatively, she clearly was looking for it” is NOT a valid reason to justify harassing or sexually abusing someone, EVER. If they say no, IT MEANS NO! Or better yet, if they take no notice of you then they are not interested in you!!
When I told my father about this, both he and his girlfriend said that a group of pretty girls dressed up would obviously attract attention and that that reason alone has men ‘acting like men’ acting on their hormones instead of their morality.
I was disgusted with the way that some of the men behaved that night; I’ve never experienced such unwanted attention and I don’t want to again. A girl dresses up for herself unless she states otherwise and shows an interest in your (speaking to the pervy, disgusting men out there) advances, IT DOES NOT GIVE YOU A REASON TO OGGLE AT HER ALL NIGHT LONG OR GRAB AT HER, SHE IS NOT YOURS TO TOUCH.
Sorry for this random rant but I felt like sharing this, it was the first time anything has happened to me before because to my knowledge, I have never received male attention or been hit on during a night out. Maybe the other girls who go out clubbing more often and receive more male attention than me (I am not ashamed to admit) are used to the way that some drunk men often behave, but it was completely new to me and whilst some women get an ego boost from being the centre of attention, I found it incredibly uncomfortable and frustrating at how often it interrupted our night.
If anyone has any comments on this then please do message me! I would be happy to hear your thoughts on the subject, but I’ll end the rant here.